God has been so good…and so patient with me. He yearns for me to draw near, and reminds me of this beautiful truth so gently, yet persistently.

God made me a promise about 2 years back through a dream. in the dream, i was praying and saying “Jesus” over and over. each time i said it, my body grew bigger and bigger… i was pretty freaked out (in my dream) because i no longer had any control over my body. so of course, i stopped praying. then i started praying again, and again, i started to grow.

it wasn’t until this past september(ish) that i started to take this promise seriously. for some reason, i thought that God would grow me without me having to take the effort to pray. oh so stupid. :P but through a series of bible studies, conversations, & sermons, i realized the nature of God’s promises and the gravity of this specific promise: God gives us his promise, but it is up to us to claim it and put in the heart & effort to see the promise become reality. only through obedience, His promises are fulfilled. and if you don’t obey, you end up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years… i must obey and commit wholeheartedly to prayer. then God’s spirit will grow in me and take over my body, mind, soul. 

so starting from september, i started taking this a bit more seriously. but my prayer life was one day on, next day off: unfruitful and discouraging to say the least. yesterday, i met sue’s momma, and she challenged me to pray for 40 days. she reminded me that it is only through that consistent, persistent prayer and seeking that growth can happen. as she was saying this, i knew God was reminding me again to seek Him. a strange, warm sense of comfort & assurance filled my heart. 

though i’ve failed so many times before, for some reason, i know this time i won’t. i know he is already helping me and fighting for me.

“Father in Heaven! When the thought of thee wakes in our hearts let it not awaken like a frightened bird that flies about in dismay, but like a child waking from its sleep with a heavenly smile.”

-Kierkegaard

delivering food to people’s homes on thanksgiving morn,

a deliciously lovely thanksgiving with my family and joel’s family,

a bit of black friday shopping,

dear friends visiting - playing games and talking into the wee hours of the night…

i now finally have a moment to myself. with some soothing tea and christmas music softly playing in the background, i sit as feelings of nostalgia rise and i am overwhelmed by a desire to rest in quietness and trust. a longing to dwell in the loving arms of the father. 

there are a million and one things to be done. but for tonight, i sit thankful for moments like these to treasure in my hands.

i am horrible at keeping up with blogs, but i always come back to this desire to have a space to write and process what is going on in and around me. i’ve created about a half dozen blogs along the way, but starting a new blog is kind of like starting a brand new journal - a fresh start and exciting because of the words, thoughts, hopes, failures, and blessings it will eventually hold. 

i am calling this blog “in feast or fallow” after one of sandra mccracken’s albums. praise to God during times of abundance and times of grief, times of clarity and times of silence.